


When I'm Gone

by ahgabounce



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Gen, M/M, No Smut, jjp are bffs, oblivious jb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2017-02-05
Packaged: 2018-09-22 04:42:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9584081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ahgabounce/pseuds/ahgabounce
Summary: where jinyoung is hopelessly in love with painfully ignorant jb who just keeps breaking his heart





	

**Author's Note:**

> hello there i haven't posted in a while
> 
> to those who don't like my writing style in the first place, well thank u for still giving me a chance
> 
> HAHA i'm trying to improve. i sincerely hope you enjoy this work!

Jinyoung closed his eyes, letting his tears fall down his cheeks as the music played in his ears.  _ Why did this song have to play, of all the tracks in my playlist?  _ He silently reprimanded himself for putting it on shuffle instead of picking a song. It hit too close to home, and as much as he liked it, he didn’t need Jaebum to see him crying because of a song. 

 

“Oh? Jinyoungie, why are you crying?”  _ Shit.  _ Jaebum had noticed the sudden wetness on his shirt despite Jinyoung’s numerous prayers for him not to realise, and he’d looked over at Jinyoung only to find that he was in tears. What for? He didn’t know. 

 

“Oh, um, it’s nothing! I think something just got into my eye..” Jinyoung brushed it off, wiping his tears away hastily before leaning his head onto Jaebum’s shoulder again. 

 

“Ah, okay! Do you need me to blow it out for you?” Jaebum offered, peering into his eyes. Jinyoung shook his head at the question, smiling slightly at the thought that Jaebum had  _ offered  _ to help him out. Surely, that wasn’t what  _ best friends _ did, was it? But before he was able to analyse it further, Jaebum had opened his mouth again, breaking him out of his train of thoughts.

 

“Jinyoung-ah, I never knew you liked sad songs?” There was a teasing lilt to his voice as Jaebum cocked his eyebrows up at Jinyoung. He’d always taken him to be more of a classical music person, or one  who favoured more mood-lifting songs. Never would he have expected Jinyoung to go for the angsty songs about heartbreak and unrequited love.  _ Well, I learn something new everyday.  _ Jaebum smiled to himself, putting his hands around Jinyoung’s shoulder and chuckling at the blush that crept up Jinyoung’s cheeks at the intimacy. 

 

\--

 

“It’s my stop now, Jinyoungie. I’ll get going, then! Don’t forget to help me slip the note under her desk, thanks!” Jaebum shook Jinyoung lightly to awaken him, grinning brightly and shooting him a thumbs-up as he walked out of the train backwards. 

 

“Yah, hyung, watch where you’re going!” Jinyoung’s eyes widened in concern, shaking his head at Jaebum’s antics. When Jaebum was finally out of sight, he closed his eyes, leaning back and inserting the earphone he’d lent Jaebum back into his ear to submerge himself in the music. He didn’t want to think about the favour Jaebum had asked of him, didn’t want to recall how Jaebum had so willingly entrusted him with the details of his crush, expecting Jinyoung to help him in his conquest to woo her with no doubt. After all, Jinyoung  _ was  _ his best friend, right? 

 

Yeah, well, he’d failed to realise that Jinyoung was hopelessly in love with him. Had been, for the past decade, in fact. And Jinyoung being hopelessly in love with him meant that he was willing to do anything,  _ anything  _ for his hyung if it’d make him happy. He’d go to the end of the world if it meant he could see that favourite smile of his on Jaebum, the smile he only smiled when he was absolutely ecstatic. And he’d also do whatever his hyung asked of him, even if it crushed his heart to do so, because it was all worth it to see the smile on Jaebum’s face later when he told him he’d finished the task. His eyes would turn into crescents, lips curving beautifully to show his perfect set of teeth and  _ oh,  _ the occasional giggle that made its way out of his throat when he was too excited to help himself. 

 

Yeah. Jinyoung was a hopeless fool in front of Im Jaebum. 

 

_ Fuck. I thought I told myself I wouldn’t think about it.  _ Jinyoung sighed, wiping away the fresh tears that had formed in his eyes from thinking about Jaebum and his crush on that girl in his class.  _ What does Jaebum hyung see in her anyway?  _ He scoffed bitterly.  _ What does she have that I don’t? Oh right, his attention.  _ Jinyoung rolled his eyes.  _ Okay, but to be fair, she didn’t do anything to me to deserve this hate… _

 

Jinyoung sighed. Apart from being head over heels for Jaebum, he was also terribly nice, which was why he was often made use of by his classmates. He simply couldn’t refuse their requests as they weren’t even  _ that  _ ridiculous, hence he always found himself helping them out to the best of his abilities whenever he could. And when he couldn’t, he always took it upon himself to apologize profusely for not lending a helping hand, as if he had been the one to land them in that situation instead. Which was why Jaebum had befriended him– to help him, not take advantage of him, of course. Jaebum would turn down others when they asked for a favour that was just  _ stretching  _ it, coming to Jinyoung’s aid when he had difficulty saying no to them. Jinyoung was grateful that he’d met Jaebum, and Jaebum’s inexplicable need to protect Jinyoung at all times, in all circumstances was also one of the reasons he’d fallen in love with Jaebum. 

 

Unfortunately, Jinyoung had realised a few years later, that Jaebum only saw him as a younger brother and would only see him that way, nothing more. Jaebum had never, for once in their friendship, considered Jinyoung to be a potential lover, and that alone made Jinyoung’s heart contract so painfully he wanted to rip it out of his chest. The extent of Jaebum’s affection towards Jinyoung was a mere ruffling of hair, pats on the shoulder or at most, a hug and shoulder to lean on when he was crying. None of that hand-holding bullshit even though they’d be able to pass it off as they were really chummy, and definitely no kisses or pecks or brushing of the lips of any sort. Not even when Jinyoung fell down and scraped himself, pouting for Jaebum to kiss it better.  _ What are we,  _ Jaebum had scoffed.  _ five year olds? _ Before pulling Jinyoung up. He did, however, brush the dirt off his knees and dress his wound.  _ Like a boyfriend would _ . Jinyoung swallowed against the lump in his throat.  _ I need to stop.  _

 

Shaking his head, he got off the train at his stop, dragging his feet home with a heavy heart. 

 

\---

 

Jinyoung glanced around nervously, making sure no one was looking before he crept up to his classmate’s table in the darkness, slipping a piece of paper under her desk. Then he quickly tiptoed to turn on the lights before returning to his seat like he’d been there all along. 

 

The piece of paper, Jaebum had told him, was his hard work and sweat. He’d spent a week perfecting the poem-slash-letter written on it, meticulously writing to get his handwriting nice and neat, and pondering which exact words to use. He’d asked Jinyoung to help with some parts, but it was mostly his effort, which was why Jinyoung was to take  _ utmost  _ care of it, treating it as if it was a delicate and renowned painting. It was far more important than that, it was Jaebum’s confession! Jaebum had his fingers crossed for his crush to accept it. He’d asked her to meet him behind the field after school in the letter, and he’d also written that he wouldn’t be leaving until she turned up. No one was that heartless as to not show up, right? Even if she didn’t want to accept him, she should at least tell him in the face so he could move on. 

 

\---

 

She didn’t show up. Jinyoung had to drag a protesting Jaebum home, still in denial that she would come meet him.  _ Maybe she was caught up in something!  _ He’d uttered, more to himself than to Jinyoung.  _ That’s right. She couldn’t have just ignored me, something must have come up!  _ He’d turned to Jinyoung for affirmation then, eyes wide and hysterical, not wanting to believe that his  _ angel  _ would stand him up. The only consolation Jinyoung could come up with was a nod and pat on the back, letting Jaebum believe whatever he wanted so it’d be easier on him. He’d stood behind the field along with Jaebum, hoping for her arrival every time a pair of footsteps approached but then getting disappointed when they realised it was just another student, or worse still, a bird.  _ Why does everything seem to be mocking us today? _ Jinyoung frowned. 

 

When the sun had set and Jaebum was now sitting on the ground dejectedly instead of pacing around and anticipating her presence, Jinyoung decided it was finally time to leave.  _ It’s not like she’ll find out that you never stayed here to wait for her anyway,  _ He’d told Jaebum.  _ If she doesn’t care enough to at least show up, what makes you think she’ll be concerned if you stayed here the whole night?  _ He’d rolled his eyes before taking the elder’s arm and pulling a dumbfounded Jaebum in the direction of their houses. 

 

The next day, Jaebum came to school with dark circles under his eyes. He’d initially been in plain shock at being rejected, but when he’d reached home and had a night to think about it, he’d started to feel miserable. He spent the whole night tossing and turning, wondering why he got rejected and questioning which part of him wasn’t enough for his crush.  _ Is it my looks? My personality? She could’ve told me, and I would have changed for her.. _

 

He thought about it on the way to school, and by the time he walked through the school gates, he was ready to burst into tears.  _ But I can’t let anybody see me.  _ So he ran to Jinyoung, engulfing him in a hug as he bawled his eyes out into Jinyoung’s shoulder, the latter only patting his back soothingly to coax all his tears out. 

 

When he was done, he pulled away from the hug, wiping his snot with Jinyoung’s shirt before looking at him with red-rimmed eyes. “Thank you, Jinyoung-ah.” 

 

Then he went off to class, and they never spoke of it again. 

  
  


A year later, Jaebum got into a relationship. If he noticed how Jinyoung wasn’t  _ truly  _ happy for him despite being his best friend, he didn’t say anything, instead choosing to put all of his attention on his significant other, effectively neglecting Jinyoung within a few months of his relationship. Everything Jinyoung had spent years building up with him was pushed aside to make space for his new partner and their new routine. Instead of taking the train home with Jinyoung, he’d now board the bus with his girlfriend, sending her off before making his way home. He didn’t seem to mind the effort even though his girlfriend’s house was in the opposite direction of where he lived, and almost an hour’s ride from the school. He didn’t notice how Jinyoung started smiling less often at the fact that they were spending less time together as he was too busy thinking of how to surprise his girlfriend, and he definitely didn’t notice Jinyoung’s absence at their usual lunch table after he started bringing his girlfriend to their table in the cafeteria. He was too preoccupied with feeding his girlfriend the food Jinyoung had made for him. 

 

Jinyoung had been bringing him food ever since he started making his own lunch boxes. Jaebum remembered the first time he’d seen Jinyoung with it. He’d been curious about whether Jinyoung had made it himself as  _ it looks way too sloppy to be your umma’s work, haha!  _ He remembered the way Jinyoung had pouted then, upset at being made fun of.  _ It’s my first time making it, hyung!  _ Jinyoung had huffed, crossing his arms and turning his head to the side petulantly. He remembered begging Jinyoung to make him a lunch box too, and the very next day, he was surprised with a well-made bento. He’d looked over at Jinyoung’s own one after seeing his, and he immediately burst into laughter at the stark difference in appearance of their lunch boxes. While his was prettily made, Jinyoung’s one was rather messed up, as if he’d made it in a rush or while being blindfolded. 

 

_ Thank you, Jinyoungie! I will eat this well~  _ He’d chimed, and from then on, Jinyoung had always brought an extra lunch box for Jaebum. Over the years, his skills had improved, and their diets had changed but the only thing that remained constant was Jinyoung preparing a lunch box for Jaebum daily. A lunch box that always looked more put together than his own. Jaebum didn’t question it, convincing himself that Jinyoung must’ve gotten lazy with his own one after putting so much effort into making his lunch box.

 

As Jaebum fed his girlfriend lovingly, wiping her mouth every so often, he couldn’t help but think that their table was quieter than usual. He spent a good five minutes wondering why until it came to him that Jinyoung often filled the silence at the table with his chattiness, rambling away about anything and everything he could think of. Now that Jaebum had noticed, he kind of missed it, and he questioned where Jinyoung had gone off to.  _ Did he get a new friend?  _ Jaebum frowned at the thought.  _ But still, he wouldn’t just leave me alone at our table if he did befriend someone.. _

 

“Oppa! Feed me~” His girlfriend’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts, and he blinked before smiling at his girlfriend. “Here you go!” He sang, picking a strawberry out for her. 

 

\---

 

“Jinyoung-ah, why weren’t you at our lunch table yesterday?” Jaebum approached his best friend after class.

 

“Oh, so you finally noticed?” Jinyoung said coldly, corners of his mouth pulling up in a sneer. 

 

“What do you mean? Of course I noticed! It was so quiet at our table without you…” Jaebum whined. 

 

“Jaebum-ssi, it’s been a week. I haven’t sat at our table since last friday.” Jinyoung rolled his eyes. 

 

“..What? No way! I would have noticed earlier. Also, why are you calling me Jaebum-ssi? Since when did we revert to formalities?” Jaebum furrowed his eyebrows, he didn’t know why Jinyoung was acting like this. 

 

“Since you stopped hanging out with me. Now, if you’d excuse me, my new friends are waiting for me.” Jinyoung sneered. 

 

Watching the frame of his best friend get smaller and smaller as he stalked away, Jaebum’s heart sank. 

 

\---

 

They broke up. Jaebum and his girlfriend. Jaebum had thought things were going well, but all of a sudden, his girlfriend had wanted to break up with him, giving him the “it’s not you, it’s me” speech. He didn’t want to hear it. He was absolutely upset, and he needed someone to vent to. 

 

_ Jinyoung.  _

 

His best friend was all he could think of. Fishing his phone out of his pocket, he collapsed against the wall, shakily pressing the first number on his speed dial before holding his phone up to his ear. 

 

“Hello?” Jinyoung’s voice came in loud and clear. Jaebum flinched at the hostility evident in his voice. Having been friends ever since they were out of the womb, Jaebum was proud to announce that he could confidently pick out any emotion in Jinyoung’s voice even if he tried his best to hide it, although sometimes it brought about more trouble than good. Ignorance was bliss, after all. 

 

“Jinyoung-ah, it’s me, Jaebum. I know you’re still mad at me, but she just broke up with me, and I– I, I can’t–” Jaebum started sobbing half-sentence, leaving the rest up to interpretation. 

 

“Where are you, hyung? I’ll come fetch you.” Jinyoung asked worriedly, all traces of malice erased from his voice. Taking a few deep breaths, Jaebum rattled the address off to Jinyoung before hanging up, easing himself by chanting  _ Jinyoungie will be here soon, Jinyoungie will be here soon... _

  
  


That day, Jaebum went home a tad happier. he’d gotten over the break-up quickly with the help of Jinyoung, promising his best friend that  _ tomorrow,  _ he’d start wooing another senior from their school. 

 

_ But hyung!  _ Jinyoung had protested.  _ I don’t think you should be getting into a relationship that quickly! Are you sure you’re not just doing it to get rid of the bad feeling you have from being dumped?  _ He’d frowned then, at the thought of Jaebum using someone else as his rebound. And also at Jaebum not noticing him despite him always being there for Jaebum in times of need.  _ When he was depressed, when he was frustrated, and when he was happy and wanted to share his joy…  _ Jinyoung was always there, silently accompanying Jaebum to get him through, especially the tough times. But not once had Jaebum said thank you in acknowledgement of his presence, always expecting his best friend to come to his aid and taking him for granted. 

 

_ Well, he won’t be taking me for granted anymore.  _ Jinyoung smiled bitterly to himself, gripping the object in his hands tighter as he geared himself. 

 

_ I’m tired of him treating me like I’m invisible.  _ Glancing around his room to make sure all entry points were locked, he closed his eyes. 

 

_ Maybe when I’m gone, he’ll learn to love me.. _

 

With that, Jinyoung drove the knife into his chest, falling forward on his hands as it pierced into his heart. 

 

Jaebum never saw Jinyoung at school after that. 

 

“A few days ago, one of our honor students, so very precious to us, committed suicide. The reason for doing so is still unclear as of now. In view of his unexpected actions, I would like to remind all of you to not do anything foolish, as you will face serious consequences should you be caught in the act. But for now, let us all have a moment of silence in respect of his passing.” The principal’s voice boomed in the auditorium, quieting the students’ raised whispers of  _ Who? and Why did he?  _ That had started at the shocking news.

 

Unbeknownst to others, Jaebum had remained awfully silent throughout the whole ceremony, the puzzle pieces finally clicking into place. The letter he’d found in his locker three days ago, the way Jinyoung had said goodbye to him before they parted ways the other day, and him not being able to find Jinyoung anywhere for the past few days. He’d been so excited to tell Jinyoung about his advances on his new crush just a few days ago, but he hadn’t seen him around at school the whole day. He’d simply thought that Jinyoung was down with the flu, not bothering to check up on his best friend because Jinyoungie was a big boy, and big boys didn’t need others to take care of them, right? 

 

_ Wrong.  _

 

_ \--- _

 

Jaebum boarded the train, sitting at his usual seat and placing his bag on the seat beside him. 

 

It’d been ages since he’d taken the train, and if he closed his eyes, he found, it felt as if everything was still okay, and Jinyoung was still there beside him. 

  
Putting both his earphones in, he leaned back against the window, closing his eyes as tears started falling from his cheeks. 

**Author's Note:**

> im soRRy u had to sit through all that
> 
> if you liked this feel free to check out my other works i have a ton
> 
> if you're still reading this end note thank u so much i truly appreciate ur love
> 
> this wasn't my best work but i'm trying so please bear with me
> 
> my twitter's @ahgabounce if u wanna talk <3
> 
> -Joy


End file.
